Random Rants of Kingdom Hearts
by RoxasGirl
Summary: I saw another girl doing these and I love to do bits at the ends of my stories anyways, so here's just the concentrated version.  Warnings:Contains yaoi, language, severe Kairi bashing, and could go ANYWHERE. I don't own KH... yet xD
1. Die Kairi!

Damnit! They're taking my laptop back tomorrow! ! I will die; I will kill myself, no technology _**all summer!**_

**Roxas- ***laughs*please shut up.

**Me- **Aw, you know I'm funny!*grins*

**Roxas- **No, you're boring.

**Me- ***gasps* Roxas! Liar!

**Kairi- **He's right though…

**Me- **Shut the fuck up, Kairi.*falcon-kicks*

**Kairi- ***dies on floor*

**Me- **Much better*wipes blood off of shoe*

**Sora- **Eeeee! Thank you female Roxy-person! Now I can be freely gay for Riku*tackles silverette*

**Roxas- **Maybe you should kick Xion too…*points to said girl*

**Xion- ***Glares* You wouldn't.

**Me- **Nonono, never! You're cool. But you need to stay away from Roxas, so you don't end up like Kairi*points to the possibly dead girl*

**Axel- **But Roku has always been mine… haven't you?*stares blonde down*

**Roxas- **Uhh…. Sure-I mean, yeah, I have. Always been yours.

**Me- ***coughliargigglesnortcough*

**Axel- **Roxy! Who else was there?

**Naminè- **Imma go now…*runs away*

**Axel-***looks at blonde boy* Naminè, really? You liked her? I though you were homo too…

**Roxas- ***stutter stutter…* I am though. At least now I am….

**Me- **Do you guys have to talk about this now?*groans, then get an idea* how 'bout ya'll kiss and make-up? Or out, if you prefer*evil grin*

**Olette- ***gags* I need to leave. Enjoy your yaoi*shakes head at me and leaves*

**Riku- **We should go too. Don't let Axel rape Roxas*drags a dazed Sora away*

**Roxas- **Rape _me_? _Rape_ me? RAPE ME? Axel!

**Me- **Riku has a big mouth when he does talk, huh Axie?

**Roxas- **Shut up! I might not be a virgin later and that is not what I had planned!

**Axel- **Aw, Roxas, but I love you. Don't ya love me too?

**Roxas- **Yeah, b-b-but…*silenced by kiss*

**Me- ***goes bug-eyed* …Holy.

**Axel- ***remembers me and hops away* Sorry…

**Roxas- ***looks confused* wh-what…

**Me- ***sighs* fine, I leave…*grabs dead Kairi after setting up tiny video camera, then leaves*

**Axel- ***pounces on Roxas, unaware of camera* Roxy-boo! I love you!

**Roxas-** *faints*

_I love the random convos with Kingdom Hearts characters. Don't you? wait, don't answer that… anyways, R&R please!_


	2. Riku and Xion, oo lala!

_Outside of my bedroom in the castle that never was…_

**Xion-**_ I wonder where Axel and the new girl are, they didn't show up to dinner… wait, what is that__** noise**__?_

**Me/Axel-**_ *panting, grunting*_

**Xion-**_ Holy shit! Axel's fucking her! I gotta go get the rest of the organization!_*runs to find Larxene*

_Meanwhile inside my room…_

**Axel- **Damn, why is this dresser so fucking heavy?*groans and pushes*

**Me-** How would I know? Let's just finish before people come by and get the wrong idea.*grunts*

**Larxene-** hey wanna make it a thr- oh, you're only moving a dresser*looks disappointed*

**Me-** See, told ya we should have been quicker. Let's go get some ice cream. Now.*glares at blonde creeper and stomps out

**Larxene-** what's up her ass?

**Axel-** the better question is what's always up yours*leaves*

_In the kitchen…_

**Sora-** Riku, why is chu only wearing underwear?

**Riku-** so I can be ready whenever I need to be*pedo smile*

**Sora-** Uhh….

**Riku-** Maybe I shouldn't have drugged you last time. Next time I won't.

**Sora-** I still lost…

**Naminè-** Sora, you're so fucking naive, it's so funny that it's not even funny*draws SoraxRiku yaoi*

**Xion-** that made no sense to me*blank stare*

**Me-** 'Ello bitches, hand me an ice cream?

**Kairi-** Never!*snarls*

**Me-** I thought I killed you, why aren't you dead?*death glare*

**Axel-** if you kill us, we just come back to life after a bit*ish amused*

**Me-** Damnit! Then I kill her again.*summons bow and shoots redhead girl*

**Kairi-** *dies giggling and disappears*

**Riku-** I kinda like her sometime ya know.

**Me-** well, I hate her. Deal with it.

**Riku-** not like I have a choice…

**Me-** what did you say Riku!*menacing stare*

**Riku-** I said 'I wish this cereal wasn't so moist'*holds up bowl*

**Axel-** that's funny, because my cereal is too cold…*summons fire and puts under bowl*

**Roxas-** *walks in and stares at said redhead* Axel, stop! Remember last time you did th-

**Everyone-** *screams when splashed by molten milk and fruit loops*

**Roxas-** _Damned pyro…_

**Me- **I feel like killing someone. Volunteers? *looks at Axel*

**Axel- **Nooooooo! Take Sora!*pushes brunette my way*

**Sora- **Eh, why not. Riku could use less Sora time.*hands me knife*

**Me- **okaaay…. Stabby time*stabs brunette*

**Sora- ***dies silently and disappears*

**Riku- **That sucks. *turns to raven-haired girl* Hey Xion?

**Xion- **Yeah?

**Riku- **My room?

**Xion- **Hell yes, let's go.

**Riku- **Even a word to Sora later and everyone dies*death threat stare*

**Roxas- **I value my life, thank you.

**Xion- **Hewas just checking. C'mon*drags silverette out*

**Axel- **Should we follow suit?*winks*

**Me- **only if you let me get my camera again.*covers big mouth*

**Roxas- **AGAIN!

**Naminè-** you forgot about me you know*draws moar*

**Axel-** *girly scream* Nami! Leave and take this insane fangirl with you before I have another heart attack.

**Me-** Damnit, irony is my job!

**Roxas-** *blank look*

**Me-** Never mind

**Axel-** Are you leaving?

**Me-** I hadn't planned on it, no.

**Naminè-** I am. I hope you die Roxanne. I don't think you'll come back to life…

**Me-** Uhh... don't kill me Axel!*runs from mad redhead*

_I really don't wanna die… was this interesting to keep your attention? R&R please. I'll hype up the next one if I need to._


	3. Roxas' MANY girlfriends

_Why am I so stupid like that? No more staying up all night! Bad me…_

**Roxas-** will you shut up? You made me stay up too and now I have a fucking migraine*groans, glares, then holds head*

**Axel- **Aww…Roxy-boo…*huggles*

**Naminè- Ew! Not with the ex in the room!**

**Axel- ***pulls away menacingly* you hadta bring that up, didn't you*growls*

**Kairi- ***squeals* I'm not going to be the annoying one today!

**Me- **doesn't mean I won't still kill you if you don't shut the fuck up.

**Kairi- ***glares silently*

**Sora- ***walks in* Hi peoples, where's Riku

**Roxas- **Uhh….

**Axel- **Hmm…

**Naminè- ***looks at me with evil grin*

**Me- ***returns grin*

**Sora- **_WHAT!_

**Me- **After you died, Xion and Riku went to Riku's room.

**Sora- **_THEY WHAT? Rikuischeatingonme? NONONONONO!* runs to Riku's room screaming*_

**Axel- **You know you won't live to see tomorrow?

**Me- **Yup, I'm so suicidal…

**Roxas- **Just like you made me in one of those stupid stories you write*is bitter*

**Xigbar-** hello childrens*pedo smile*

**Me- **Xiggy! Just who I wanted to see!

**Naminè-** Why did you want to see that bastard?

**Xigbar-** I'm right here bitch!*snarls*

**Naminè-** I know*smiles*

**Me-**_ Anyways_, Xiggy, c'mere*whispers in ear*

**Roxas**-*to Axel* any clue what she's saying?

**Axel-** Nope.

**Xigbar-** I like your thinking, girl*laughs* should I do it right now?

**Kairi-** Eeeee! What is he going to do?*scared*

**Me-** Funny, you pick now to speak up. Xiggy!

**Xigbar-** Tackles Kairi and drags her away*

**Kairi-** *kicking and screaming* No! You bitch!*flips me off*

**Me-** *giggles* That takes care of her this time*grins*

**Naminè-** Why is it coming down to just me and you three so much*looks annoyed*

**Me-** don't get your knickers in a twist, Nami. Your wish is my command… this time.*snaps fingers*

**Marluxia-** *appears* Hello Naminè*smiles*

**Naminè-***squeals* Thankyouthankyou!*hugs pink-haired man*

**Me-** Welcome…

**Roxas-** Why him?*groans*

**Axel-** Agreed

**Roxas-** *groans again*

**Me-** Axel! No hand-jobs under the table!

**Axel-** *hops away from blonde sheepishly* sorry your majesty*covers mouth*

**Roxas-** Oh, so you're making us say stupid shit now?*death glare*

**Me-** Nooo! Roxy don't kill me!

**Naminè-** I think we're going to go. I said I wanted you to die, I just don't want to watch.*carried away by Marley*

**Olette-** Hey- Axel and Roxas? Again? Isn't a rule of thumb to save an ex's eyes from this crap?*glares*

**Axel-** There was more than just Naminè! Who else? And you better run before I kill you*stares down brunette*

**Roxas-** …

**Me-** I have a list!*pulls out a full notebook page list*

**Axel-** Holy shit, you man whore! My boyfriend the man- whore…

**Roxas-** *turns green* I'm not, I'm still a virgin

**Olette-** Now we're talking about your fucking virginity? Ew, I'm leaving*leaves*

**Me-** You want me to read the list still?

**Axel- **Sure…

**Roxas- **No!*tackles me*

**Me- **Argh!

**Axel- **Roxy, I wanna hear!* drags Roxas off, holds wrists together in one hand and puts his other hand over the blonde's mouth* Go ahead.

**Me-** Okay*clears throat* There was Aqua-

**Axel-** Aqua? How?

**Roxas**- Mphfff Mfffps (translation: she's a liar!)

**Me-** Is to true. She went after you because you look like Ven

**Axel-** Woooow….*shakes head*

**Roxas-** *glares*

**Me- **Then there was Larxene…

**Axel-** *eyes bulge from skull* Holy mother-fucking anti-Christ! _Larxene?_

**Roxas-** …

**Me: **After that… Xion.

**Axel- **Imma kill the little girl.*growls* For how long?

**Me-** About 250 days.

**Axel-** Move on _please._

**Me-** M'kay. After Xion, then came Olette.

**Axel-** She's not even pretty!*looks at blonde, shocked

**Roxas-** miphf too! (Translation: she is too!)

**Axel-** Not as pretty as me!*arrogant smile*

**Me-** got that right!

**Axel-** shut up, I'm taken!

**Me-** *sighs* yeah, I know. Moving on…

**Axel-** There's more?*disbelief!*

**Me-** yeah!*laughs* next was Naminè.

**Axel-** that one I knew, but a pretty blonde girl may get set on fire multiple times anyways.

**Roxas-** *groans*

**Me-** No complaining Roxy, we're close to done.

**Axel-** What? You had a whole page though!

**Me-** Yeah, but I wrote_ really _big*shows scribbles*

**Axel-** you're retard.

**Me-** I know. Part of why Roxas dated me for a while too*loopy grin*

**Axel-** *utterly speechless*

**Roxas-** *Axel lets go by accident* Escape! Run away, Roxanne!*runs away*

**Me-** Running!*runs too*

**Axel-** *growls again* time to go massacre every female in the castle. And Roxanne will be last…

_Screams echo through the castle that never was all night. And Axel discovers that Roxanne(Me!) did come back to life the next day when she was killed. But once was enough… for now._

_**You all enjoying this? Anyone? Doubtful. Was it good? Tell me by R&Ring! If you have any ideas for these rant/script things, leave it in a review! And the update could take months at this point… Sorry! .**_


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